I’ve been playing Fallout 3 for the last few weeks, & like most RP first person games. I made a few decisions that I should have thought twice about. So my character went from good (all most a saint) to chaotic evil. I killed more than half of the people before I received my missions from them. So I am starting over, what’s the point to this you ask…. Well I am going back to my fortress of solitude. Yup I be hiding out trying to build my character back up. No phones, no answering the door, just me my dog, beer & the Xbox360. I’ll post shit later after  the weekend….

fun with mini nukes inFallout3

   • Some animals are unlucky, some are a little dumb, but some are WTF were you thinking dumb!

   • Just sitting waiting for the Change?

   • Nerds!

   • Wrong address, Damn!

    The Man of the House
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be The MAN of Your House.' He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.  You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of  Sex that I want.  Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my
hair?'
    The wife replied, 'The f....in' funeral director would be my first guess.'

Thanks Flintgunr

 (Downtown, Savannah )

Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the home less guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know w hat's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
- Alex

      The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.  Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a break even. But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about  it.

From CSM Lewis, simply labeled dumb-ass.

     Brandi’s little brother is shipping out for Navy Basic training any day now. He is packing his bags at his home in Hawaii & preparing to start his military training with boot camp at the Great Lakes. I’m sure the weather will be close to what he accustomed to.

Good Luck Bub'

I've had about 9 different Jonas messages sent to my phone, but if you have a clean copy of the message send it to me in MP3 or WAV format, "Jonas, Rommulus, & Edgar"

The Incredible Adventures of Jonas, Romulus and Edgar.

   In case you've ever wondered what "Little Johnny" LOOKS like (you know the one who is always the character of those 'stories' we get in email jokes), well here he is. (Not that you wouldn't be able to tell, but he's the kid in the lower left of the photo, in the red shirt.)

Runaway Van full of Illegals Crashes, how many can you count?

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: 'Why so glum?' 
Guy: 'What do you think? I'm in hell!' 
Satan: 'Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?' 
Guy: 'Sure, I love to drink.' 
Satan: 'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers. We drink 'til we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.'
Guy: 'Gee that sounds great!' 
Satan: 'You a smoker?' 
Guy: 'You better believe it'
Satan: 'All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?' 
Guy: 'Wow ... that's awesome!'
Satan: 'I bet you like to gamble.' 
Guy: 'Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.' 
Satan: 'Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow.'
Guy: 'Cool!' 
Satan: 'What about drugs?' 
Guy: 'Are you kidding? I love drugs!  You don't mean ....?'
Satan: 'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of drugs. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.  You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares.' 

Guy: 'Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!' 

Satan: 'You gay?' 
Guy: 'No...'
Satan: 'Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough ...

Thanks Jane J.

         The new fashion statement for mugshots!

from Mike 10-e