• Minimalist Time Zone Wallpaper

    • The Most Detailed Map of the Universe (Charts 125,071 Galaxies)

    • We Need a Holodeck "requested"

    • the Voca People scare the SH*T out of me

    • Nerd Time (Portable Ubuntu) for Windows "this is cool"

    • Thats the way it was, & we liked it! 

Don't ask a retiree a dumb question ...The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?  Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Iams Dog Food for my loyal pet, Abby, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the "Iams Diet" again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Iams nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

       From Da Pimp!

        Due to the current financial situation, management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over 30 on early retirement. The scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Person Early).  Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help AFTer retirement). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme ( Scheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.  Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel and Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.  Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management as always pride itself for the amount of SHIT it gives to its staff. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT please bring it to the attention of your manager. He has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

(Dirty)   Shanghai Going that extra mile

(NSFW!)

Wow, Shrinkage gone bad!

Mike L asked "is the tail number trying to tell us something?"

Firefighters in Oregon are being "laid-off or demoted" simply because they are supervising new firefighters who can't speak English!

Lazy Iraqi police get motivational speech by Army solider.

Sent from Jane Johnson, Strong Language, but needed!

A TEACHER WAS TESTING SENSES (TASTE) OF FIRST GRADERS BY USING A BOWL OF LIFESAVERS. The children began to identify the flavors by their color:          
Red.......................Cherry                                           
Yellow...................Lemon                                             
Green....................Lime!                                             
Orange................. Orange                                             
     Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them,     
none of the children could identify the taste.’ Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'  One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,   'Oh my God!! They're ass-holes!                      "Thanks Mike 10-e"