A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.'  The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.  Trembling, he did as she directed. 'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.’ Now take off my stockings.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. 'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.  'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'       (I didn't see it coming, either!) Da Pimp

 Just a reminder what can happen

when you open links that are NSFW

(this is safe for work)

 Psychotic Earth Day Spokesman

Wii for women....

 mrDucs thought you should see...

Freddie Mac "Kellerman"

Happy Earth Day!

One of these things is not like the others....

I want my baby back...(kinda' creepy)

My next Evil Lair one of the 5

Problem Solved

 China vs USA

from Gashflash "the internet can still throw up something so batshit mental I fall in love with it all over again" (Pretty Woman)

 Here's something to think about. I recently picked a new primary care doctor.  After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 60.) A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?' 'Oh no,' I replied.  'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? 'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' 'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'  'No,' I said. He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?  thanks Mr Reynolds

        from the Lord of War

        Students pulled down the American flag flying in front of the Montebello High School, placing a Mexican flag followed by the American flag, flying upside down.

     Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.  Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.  The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by the King and Queen as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost. The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick. The moral of the story - Pay your Damn bills.

Nissan Stays out of it