An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts:
"Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!" (which means: "Don't
drink the water. The cows and pigs have shit in it!)" The man shouts back: "I am a Muslim. I don't
understand, nor do I care to understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!" The Amish man shouts back in
English: "Use two hands, you'll get more!!!!!"
Thanks Jane J.
In South
Los Angeles , a fire destroyed a fourplex, one morning. A Nigerian family of six internet con artists lived on the first floor,
and all six tragically perished in the fire. A group of seven Islamic Kenyan welfare cheats, all illegally in the country,
lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. Six Hispanic, gang banger, ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too, died. One white couple lived on the top floor. They miraculously survived
the fire. Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious at the apparent racial inequity of the situation. Why were
just the white couple saved? They flew to LA and demanded a meeting with the firechief.On camera, they loudly demanded
to know why the African Americans, black Muslims and Hispanics all died in the fire and only the white couple
lived. The fire chief quietly replied, "They were at work." (thanks to Da Pimp)
1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching
down behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning." He said, "No, just taking a shit".
2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that w ay, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.
3. My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting, "Get this out
of me! Give me the drugs." She looked at me and said, "You did this to me you bastard!" I casually replied,
"If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, "It'll be too painful."
4. I went to an extremely attractive female
doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why, she said, "Because I am trying to examine you."
5. I was walking
down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I
shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
6. My girlfriend and I were
making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her
over on all fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled it out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair. She cried. I guess we don't watch the same movies. Thanks "Mike 10-e"
On 7Jan2008 on the Union Pacific railroad near Harvard IL. You can see the trees being whipped, hear debris hitting
the trailing engine from which the video came, and then see debris flying through the air from the F3 tornado
(thanks MrDucs)
Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama go to heaven, God addresses Al first. ''Al, what do you believe in?'' Al replies:
"Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand
that now.'' God thinks for a second and says: "Very good. Come and sit at my left.'' God then addresses Bill. "Bill,
what do you believe in?'' Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge
against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.'' ; God thinks for a second and says: "You are
forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.'' Then God addresses Barrack. "Barrack, what do you believe in?''
He replies: "I believe you're in my chair."
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, business stinks. If I don't sell more
cars this month, I'm going to lose my ass." Then he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately,
he apologized for his bad language. "That's okay," the blonde replied, "I can relate; if I don't sell
more ass this month, I'm going to lose my car."
Cliffy
& Myself are moving to Road Island, & Moving Fast! 
