WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not!
WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again. WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (Makes
audible groan). WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house. WIFE: Would you
sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep? WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new. WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers? HUSBAND: That would seem
like the proper thing to do. WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs? HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed. WIFE:
- silence - -
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Strakville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville , MS. and bought a mule
for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry,
fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night." Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our
money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." They said, "OK then, just
bring us the dead mule." The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?" Curtis said,
"We gonna raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" Leroy said, "We shore
can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!" A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy
at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?" They said,
"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do." Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars
apiece and made a profit of $898." The farmer said, "My Lord, didn't anyone complain?" Curtis said, "Well,
the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back." Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. They're
overseeing the Bailout Program.
Spaghetti!
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly
have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post
card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about
nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "You received a very strange post
card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as
her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."
Proving once again how dangerous it is when the Federal Government joins
forces with the environmental whackos. The same combination explains why we import over 50% of our oil instead of exploiting
the vast reserves we have. The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers
for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting
and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a 'more humane' solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be
captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be controlled. This
was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the Sierra Club and the USFS. All of the ranchers
thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally, an old guy in the back of the conference room stood up,
tipped his hat back and said: "Son, I don't think you understand our problem. "Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our
sheep - they're eatin' 'em!" You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter.
From Keith Johnson also.....
Robbie Knievel (son
of Evil Knievel) Event at the Ford Center next weekend in Beaumont , Texas. Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama
supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.
