That's his thing. He sneaks into little kid's rooms in the middle of the night, and he grapes them in the mouth.

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    Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
Daddy my d*ck is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls. You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it. After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio: Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls? Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.

 

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     A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

 

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    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?" Watson replied: "I see billions and trillions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are billions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that our tent was stolen!

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     A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.' 'Oh, really? Darn!' said the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.'  'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?' 'Oh, no', said the little old lady. 'Yo u see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'. 'Well, that seems only fair' laughs the cop. OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?' 'Well, you know, not everybody pays'.

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from Mike 10-e

    An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, Fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, Working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.' She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.' The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Always thought I was, but just found out I might be a lesbian.'

Elk season is over, how'd you do?

    Well, there is good news and bad news about my Christmas decorations this year on Sunnywood Drive. The good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take it down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever before.  Great stories but two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55-year-old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder and almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she had climbed to the top (she was not happy!).  By the way, she was just one of many people who attempted to do that.  My yard couldn't take it either.  I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up into my yard. Kind of feel like I gave in to the man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm two near-miss accidents on the busy street next to my house.  I think I made him too real this time. But it was fun while it lasted.